Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Am I a bad person?

We had family day on Sunday. The Ex picked up the boys around 10am so I could have a few hours to do some chores and errands. Hubby had to work until 1, so we all planned on meeting back at the house at around 2.

Once everyone was there, including myself, Hubby, kids, Ex, his wife, the 15 year old girl they are fostering, and Roomie, we all sat down to listen to N9 read a story he had written. This is a monumental thing as he wrote it himself, no one helping and it wasn't a school assignment, just something he did for fun. Since N9 has a learning disability, especially in reading and writing, this was a huge deal.

So as he sat there reading, I noticed the Ex was playing on his cell phone. His wife kept jabbing him, telling him to pay attention. He told her he was. Next thing I knew she tossed her (very light) flip flop towards him and told him again that he needed to pay attention. Well the next thing that happens shocked, I think, most of us. Ex threw the shoe down and started snapping at his wife. Asking her what she was thinking, throwing a shoe at his face etc. He breated her a good couple minutes and then went back to his phoen to ignore her. Then we all waited and his wife just told N9 to go on with his story.

Now this may not sound like much, but for me it was huge. One of the reasons Ex and I split is that moments like that were constant in our relationship. Everything I did would set him off. I got really tired of being told how stupid I was. When he and his wife got together, and we all started spending together, I used to whine, rather immaturely I admit, that he treated her so much better than he ever treated me, and what was so wrong with me that he felt I should be treated that way? It was a very big deal for me. So when this happened Sunday I had an other immature moment where for a brief second I was pleased, that she wasn't perfect, and that I wasn't just a terrible spouse. But only briefly. Then I was just sad, because really, no one should be treated that way, and I really hope that it was only an isolated inccident, because I really like his wife.

So do those feeling make me a bad person? I hope not. But that doesn't stop me from feeling a little bit like one.

1 comment:

jeanie said...

No that does not make you a horrible person.

When you are treated badly by someone, and then another is treated well of course you take it personally.

And when that someone gets what you used to get, it is a vindication - no matter how small - that you did not DESERVE it, it is part of how the perpetrator is built.

I think also that you have so much regard for your ex's new wife it would be a bit of a double-edged sword for you.