Wednesday, September 12, 2007

A reason to blog on

Recently I got some linky love from another blog I read, and enjoy. It's a blog by a solo mom and I really relate to a lot of things she says, because I was also a solo mom for quite some time. I know the difficulties and I know the way some people will treat you. During my time as a solo mom, I spent a lot of it just trying to keep my family together. I am no longer a solo mom, but I still carry that with me everyday.

I started this blog as a way to stay in touch with Hubby's family. Since he isn't very good at it, and I really hate talking on the phone, I figured if I blogged some things now and then, whoever in his family chose to could pop in and see what has been going on. Once I started it though, I didn't really want to share it with his family. I was hoping maybe to meet some people who are in similar situations, or just need someone to talk to.

Being a solo mom so long, and being so young, with so many kids was hard for me. I got a lot of negative feedback, even when the Ex and I were still married. A lot of people were judgemental not only by how many kids we had, but the closeness in age. This is something we chose to do in our family. I don't regret it one bit. The boys are close in age, and also close in heart. They are and hopefully always will be, each others best friends. I made very few friends during my marriage. I got to the point where I was too afraid of the comments and assumptions of others due to these circumstances. So my married life was all, and only, about my boys.

When I got divorced it was even worse. Single mom, FOUR kids? It didn't mater what kind of mom I was, or why I was single. People just didn't see past those 2 facts. So I kept to myself. I got a job, I went to work, I stayed out of peoples way. In all the years since I had my first son I made one friend that has stood by, and that is more to her credit than mine, she was persistent in breaking through my shell, and now happens to be a solo mom herself.

Even when I began a serious relationship, and then got married, I still carried that fear, of people judging me. Even with Hubby's family I was afraid, but they have done nothing but welcome me and my boys into the family. It helps, but I still am in my shell. Maybe the Internet will be an easier medium for me to find people I can talk to, and relate to, and form some lasting friendships.

1 comment:

jeanie said...

I hope so too.

I found your blog due to that linky stuff, and I am glad that I did.

My first forays into internet socialising was due to feeling very judged during my break up with my daughter's father - and I found a message board that, through several incarnations, still exists - and for the most part, I really enjoy the energy and perspective that I have found through these relationships.