Friday, September 21, 2007

Stop the presses!

Recently my Ex made a comment that surprised me. Shocked me really. He said he was glad that I am the mother of our children. Wow. Words can't not express how I felt hearing that.

Our marriage and divorce were not...Pleasant. We fought constantly, and viciously. Every thought in my head revolved around why I had children with this man. Never once did I think, gee, I am glad my children are stuck with this man as a father. I always assumed he felt the same way. Maybe he did then. Maybe he has matured now more than I have. Or maybe I have matured and just didn't realize I had gotten past these feelings, and am also grateful that my boys have someone like my Ex as their father.

We only recently started seeing eye to eye on raising our boys. I was always the positive reinforcement, to his "Reinforceanator". I would offer rewards, he would punish with lectures and physical labor. I would discuss issues, he would rant and tell them how things are and would be.

But over the course of the last year, our family has gone through a lot. And yes, I do still consider Ex family. That includes his new wife for me, and my new husband for him. We have learned to listen to each other, and discuss how we, as a group of parents, would like to approach things. I really like our new system. I think it gives us, and the children, good balance. Plus they know that they can't get away with things just because they are at a different parents house. Grounded at one, means grounded at both. We like to be fair that way ;).

I know that with this new system, I always have 3 other people who love my children, to bounce my feelings and thoughts off of. It's good to have feedback when you tackle the tough issues with kids. It also seems to make the kids very happy. They love our family time together. It went from once a month and vacations, to at least every other Sunday. The kids really look forward to those days when they have their whole "family" together.

Of course there are always going to be some issues we don't see eye to eye on. Some things we just flat out don't agree on. But we almost always meet in the middle and try to make sure everyone is satisfied with the outcome.

So I guess I can now say that yes, I am glad that my Ex is the father of my children, and they are lucky kids for it....

J13 & M8 Look pretty happy don't you think?
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N8 & N9 showing their happy selves
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Another of M8 & J13...What is it with my kids and the bunny ears?Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


jeanie said...

I consider situations like yours to be real success stories - the main characters, your children, will benefit so much more with all parents cheering from the sidelines.

Has it made a difference in your children, by the way?

Being on a few single parent and blended family boards, so rarely does the "other" get it together and work with the aim of having it all work for them and the kids.

Nice to see.

SecondGoRound said...

It has made a HUGE difference in the boys. They used to cry and beg not to go to their Dad's house, never wanted to leave me even for a day. I think it is from the animosity they felt between us all the time.

Once we made our peace though, and started making things a "family" event, the kids ask constantly when the next "family night" will be.