Wednesday, October 3, 2007

And the trophy goes to...!

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Me! For worst mom EVER!

Last night was both the most horrible night, and the best, all in the same night. I will start with the worst, since, well, I got an award for it and all...

N9 is special. By special I mean he is our special problems little guy. When he was being born we almost lost him a few times. There wasn't enough amniotic fluid to cushion him, and the cord was wrapped around his neck and chest. He was not able to breathe with any contractions because he was being strangled. They literally asked my husband who he wanted them to save, his wife, or his son. I told them the baby always comes first. They managed to save us both, but not without some minor harm to N9.

At first it was just seizures. He had them constantly. As you held him, fed him, even as he fell asleep. They were very mild and after numerous tests the doctors couldn't tell us why he was having them. By 2 he had outgrown them as a constant and they morphed into febrile seizures. Thankfully we haven't experienced anymore of those in years, and he rarely gets sick.

One of the long term effects is that he is having a very difficult time learning to read. Or write. He is in special ed classes for these subjects. Amazingly he can pound out math better than most adults. He has amazing spacial skills, and can usually complete a video game before anyone else in the house. But give him a book and there can be hours of tears trying to complete homework.

Along with this seems to come an inability to focus on set tasks. He can get very overwhelmed. Which is what went down last night....

I was in a rush trying to get everyone/everything ready for J13's big solo for jazz band that night. I heard M8 suddenly start crying and screeching. In terror. So I ran down to his room, which he shares with N9. The door was barricaded. With a toy box, and a closet door. Because that's what boys do...They take everything that moves, apart. So I pushed past the barricade and found their room a huge mess and M9 still crying. N9 was screaming and throwing things around. I grabbed them both and demanded an explanation.

Turns out that J13 had upset N9 by pushing him out of his room. That upset N9. So N9 suddenly decided he had to find him Gameboy. By throwing everything around his room and accusing M8 of taking it. He can be pretty scary when he is upset, thus the terror that M8 was in when I found them. So what did this smart mom do? I yelled at him. Really yelled. Asked him what he was thinking, told him he had to stop this fit, told him he needed to apologize to M8 and to clean the mess he made. I didn't tell him. I yelled it at him.

So suddenly my sweet confused boy is in a ball on the floor crying his heart out, hitting himself in the head and pulling out his hair. He's begging me to stop talking. He's telling me I am confusing him, that he can't understand everything I am saying. My heart broke. I had just terrorized my own child. Hubby came in and tried to smooth things over by explaining the things N9 needed to do in a more calm manor, but N9 still kept rocking himself and saying he could no longer understand what we were saying. So I asked him if he wanted some time alone and he said yes.

I left the room for about 5 minutes and then went back. He was crying in his bed so I crawled in with him and just held him and rubbed his head. I told him how sorry I was that I yelled at him. I told him that I was upset that he scared his brother so badly. I told him I loved him. He did finally calm down, and when I offered to have Hubby let him help make dinner while I finished getting things ready to go. There's nothing he loves more than helping us to cook.

In the end, the room didn't get clean. N9 forgave me, but I don't imagine he will forget that crazy mom anytime soon. He did apologize to his brother. Dinner was a little burned, but still good.

Now for the proud moment. J13 had his first, ever, solo. He did AMAZING. It was a very proud mom moment when he stood up and played and people cheered him. I took video but not sure yet how to work it off my camera. I did get a pretty good picture of him after. Its a huge change in look from last. My little guy is growing up!

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1 comment:

jeanie said...

Hey - some days jump up and bite you like that. You are human...

I think that there are as many "perfect" mothers out there screwing up there children as there are us human types, if that makes you feel any better.

My godmother was a perfect mother, and her daughter ended up having breakdowns over the impossible standards exacted.

It sounds like in the washup (well, except for the messy bedroom) everything worked out - and congratulations on your proud mum moment! Way to go son.